Monday, March 25, 2013


I have a coconut from a fruit basket I received back before Christmas.

Let me repeat that: before Christmas. (It's March.)


It's sitting in my over-sized martini glass fruit bowl the counter, as happy as a coconut can be (I guess), and it's a source of consternation here Chez Lannis.

I know what you're thinking, and yes, this martini glass has other purposes. Don't judge.

Because (A) who puts a whole coconut in a fruit basket?!

I mean, isn't the point of a fruit basket supposed to be easily accessible fruit? "Grab an apple/banana/[insert wash and eat fruit] and go"? Not "grab your trusty hammer and tuck in"?

And (B) do coconuts go bad? Is it past its expiry date?

It's been on my counter since before Christmas, and it's currently the end of March. Conceivably, said coconut is not Canadian, which means there's travel time to factor in, too, so... how can you tell when your coconut is past its prime? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

And (C) is said coconut some sort of cosmic euphemism? Like the time I had a crack in my teapot?

Because that shit is messed up... I mean, does the coconut represent something I'm missing? Is the martini glass connected in some almost-a-cocktail-but-it's-actually-a-really-truly-coconut-and-not-icy-frothy-alcoholic-goodness message?

Because I'm lost. And I think I'm procrastinating, over-thinking this coconut thing instead of just grabbing that hammer and smashing it to itty bitty coconutty shards...


Nevermind. I think I just got the euphemism.

Thanks, universe.


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