Tuesday, August 26, 2014

You're kidding... right?

Kijiji find. I don't even know how to properly introduce this...

Ad text reads as follows:

Date listed: 11-Jun-14
Address: Canada, La Porte, TX 77571, USA

I'm looking for help organizing my business & myself. I've doing a lot of things I would like Meet and show you everything, for you to help out. I personally can't pay you but I'm pretty sure the government will cuz [sic] I am disabled and can get soooo [sic] much from the government.


Do I want this to be a joke? I don't even know at this point...

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Beauty Shots of Chairs

Yes, this is actually a blog post celebrating my chairs.

Oh, pffft, don't act like you believe that title is the weirdest concept you've ever read on this blog. (Two words: Zombie Tits. You're welcome.)

'Round about a year ago I found myself browsing Kijiji and signed myself up for a refinishing project of an extent that my wee pea brain could not fathom. Looking back it was the $50 price tag for a ten piece solid wood dining set that rattled the sense out of my head, as I clearly had no concept of what I was getting into*...

Slowly, ever so slowly, this dining set—the chairs in particular—has undergone a magical transformation. Sections of wood have become darker with age, creating a patchwork effect of reds and browns to accompany the original tiger stripes I loved so much.

I've tried my best to capture the effects on camera, but the true vibrancy of the wood is lost through a lens.

Thanks to a $50 initial investment, another $375 in supplies, and two and a half months of elbow grease, I've been left with a unique dining set I couldn't love more.

No regrets.

(Okay, there're probably a few, as any refinishing project is an adventure in itself, but they've disappeared—blame the fumes of chemical stripper and polyurethane.)

So yes: beauty shots of chairs.

*For the record: no, I haven't refinished the quarter sized hole in the table's polyurethane coat. The kids haven't picked at it, either (shocker, yes?). The table's stain has lightened--a lovely green swathe down the middle--but there's nothing about this table I'm not willing to live with for the next five or six years, when we're planning our big kitchen reno, invest in a new dining set, and this one will be relegated to the basement. Or I could bite the bullet and refinish the tabletop... (nah...)

Monday, August 18, 2014


Once upon a time I took the kidlets blueberry picking... and we brought home enough blueberries for four households...


Berry picking pro tip: check your recipes before you head out so you have an idea of how many berries you, you know, need.

(Who knew blueberry bread needed only a measly single cup of blueberries?! Learn from my mistakes, yo.)

Berry picking happened four days ago. As of today (day four with berries) we have made:

- two blueberry pies
- two lemon blueberry loaves
- one batch of blueberry jam (that's five 500ml jars)
- blueberry pancakes

And have basically had fresh blueberries as dessert at every freaking meal. Including breakfast.

This is what we're left with:

That's easily three litres of berries... GAH!

I can't prove it, but I think they're breeding in the fridge when we're not looking.

Naturally there are many upsides to our situation. Blueberries tend not to go straight to mush like raspberries or strawberries, we've enjoyed local summer fruit in a variety of ways, and the boys have discovered the, er, other benefit of copious blueberry consumption (I'll be glad when they stop calling me to the washroom, as the event is not as fascinating for me as it is for them, trust).

And the lemon blueberry bread recipe is a new one. Not only new, but a recipe that turned out exactly as pictured online.

Not going to lie: it gave me a thrill. Delicious and pretty. Yum.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Mr Lannis Shouldn't Be Allowed to Leave Me Alone. Ever.

When I opened the laundry room entrance to the garage in flew THE GIANT BLACK HORNET THING and I ran like a mofo to the back of the house before a part of my brain said, "MR LANNIS IS IN OTTAWA AT KARATE CAMP! YOU ARE THE PROTECTOR OF YOUR HOUSE, YOUR CHILDREN, AND YOUR FURNITURE AND JUNK!"

And I was all, "GAH! NO! I just washed the sheets, they're divine! HE CAN'T HAVE THEM!"

So I ran back in and rummaged through the coat closet, and under two sinks before I abandoned ever locating the fly swatter* and hit the laundry room for the dust wand, tore off the reusable microfiber pad, and proceeded to track down THE GIANT BLACK HORNET THING which was easy because apparently when you're a GIANT BLACK HORNET THING your buzz sounds like a motorboat of DEATH!

And there he was, bumped up on the trim of the front door, so I HIT HIM! YES! I used said dollar store duster to pummel THE GIANT BLACK HORNET THING into a jammy smear on the glass, successfully protecting my children and junk from certain doom.

Raising my dust wand in triumph, I bellowed, "YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS HOUSE! I AM A NINJA!" And the kidlets came running in from the backyard because despite their usually selective hearing apparently when your mother shouts about ninjas your radar goes berserk.

At which point they regarded the smear and were all, "That's not what a ninja does, Mom. A ninja fights crime."

Pffft. Kids.

*The fly swatter, which was discovered hanging on a nail on the way to the basement, which proves that when you really need something you'll never remembered where you put it. Or you're me.

Monday, August 11, 2014


And then Sandi at The Mrs came out of blogging seclusion* and was all, "bam! bam! bam! BAM! Look at all mah glorious posts!"

And that competitive little gremlin my brain went cross-eyed and replied, "well, BAM! Look at all mah glorious sheets!"

Yes, Sandi, I washed all the bedding in the house, hung it on my triple lines, and then took a picture. Because you may have won the blogging battle, but HOUSEWIFERY AND BLOGGING, BOOYAH!

Kind of like Jane Eyre and Jayne Cobb, better together, no?

Wait... this might be lost in translation... I possibly need more tea...

* Blogging seclusion: Otherwise known as conducting a household with three kids under six, two successful businesses, and one major kitchen/roof/who-knows-what-all-by-now renovation.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Busy Bees

Soooo... I have extra kids over the summer. Some weeks more than most.

This week has been particularly busy with six kids each day and apparently I'm aiming to lose my mind, outdo myself, misbehave, launch myself into the middle of next week before I know what hits me, earn the right to wear my long weekend drunkypants...

In the last four days we have:

- baked four loaves of quick bread (one plain zucchini, one zucchini and raisin, one zucchini and chocolate chip, one raspberry banana chocolate chip), and a dozen muffins (zucchini chocolate chip)
- gone to the park four times
- gone to the pool once (it's been hovering between 17c/62F—25c/77F all week or we'd've been there more)
- painted pet rocks
- made Rice Krispie squares
- gone to the local independent movie theatre (for the $2 per person 10am matinee of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2)
- eaten two and a half watermelons
- visited the local secondhand bookstore for new reads
- attempted to fly kites (Monday was windy, but apparently not windy enough.)
- cut two boys' hair
- performed science experiments à la Bill Nye [♥]
- cleaned three bathrooms (one of my kidlets was caught not flushing so the punishment was to scrub all the toilets in the house—in the interest of supervision I cleaned the remainder of said bathrooms while he scrubbed away)
- washed and hung seven eight loads of laundry on the line, folded and put them away (with kidlet help)
- gone foraging for food grocery shopping (blessedly alone)
- and (la pièce de résistance) tie dyed shirts

It's all worth it.

The days are gone before I know it, but the kids're busy and content.

And the shirts are marvelous.

Happy summer!