Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Google Salad - The Boob Edition

As promised... we have a, um, special edition of Google Salad.

The boob edition.

I've had some, er, interesting keywords show up of late, so I've decided to compile this list a little earlier than previously planned (no worries, I'm sure the Internet will vomit forth more insanity with time, relax).

I knew when I wrote the Cancer Bombs series that I'd end up with bizarre keyword searches, but I... I just...

There are no words. So why wait? Let's dig in. Why? Because boobs. Duh.

breast exam

Yep. Been there, done that. Had more in two years than some ladies have in a lifetime.

tensor bandage for mastectomy

Yes! I lived in one for six weeks. I highly recommend 3M's Tensor brand.

exchange from tissue expanders to implant surgery

It's far easier than the mastectomy's surgery. Trust. And I hear from Mogatos that I should've had my surgeon take pics mid-switch. (Oops. Hindsight, alla that.)

prophylactic mastectomy d cup

That's kind of big. C is fine. As my uncle once said, "anything more than a mouthful's a waste." Heh.

rib cage jutting in armpit after mastectomy

Dude, that sounds painful.

surgical plastic teardrop shape behind eardrum

Um... you might want to get that looked at.

flat deflated tits pics

Nope. No pics. Mr Lannis prohibited them early on (wise man). Otherwise I'm sure there'd be plenty, because let's face it: I have no shame.

weird deflated tits pics

Again: no pics, though it might knock the confidence a touch to know that you were interested in perusing some wacko boobs and my humble pics showed up on your search... wait... no, no shame. Never mind. I don't care. Though for the record, the "weird" part of my boobs happened after they were no longer deflated... too bad I have no pics to show you. (Heh.)

www.boobs rest on the table

The fuck?! Okay, NOW I'm insulted! Never once did they rest on the table and who taught you about URLs?!

Really I'm just offended on behalf of the rest of the Interwebs. (You're welcome, Interwebs.)

zombie boobs

Yep, I've got a pair. If you got 'em flaunt 'em I say.

zombie tits

Yep, those, too. (Heh.)

boob internet sensation

Nope, no sensation, that's all gone thanks to the mastectomies, and I don't understand why the Internet would be involve--Ooooh! Oh, like fame... OH! Oh, aw shucks, now I'm plain flattered. Why, thank you!

Why yes, yes, I am a "boob internet sensation." ::snort::

I smell a new entry on my résumé... ha!


  1. This is most certainly not only amusing to you. The tags lie.

    Also, thank you for being offended on my behalf. Being offended is SUCH a bother. It's always a huge relief to be able to skip being offended and go straight to hilarity. So you have my thanks and appreciation for taking that on all by yourself. That said, can we start a fundraiser to teach that searcher how to internet? Because clearly there's some Internet 101: How To Google required here.

  2. I so need my google salad to be more interesting.

  3. Hahaha, Dawn, you crack me up! :)

  4. I don't know how you don't have more interesting Google Salad... I can only imagine the combinations of food and kitchen lingo that can pass as sexual innuendo! The Internet must be bored... :/