Monday, September 9, 2013

Sarcasm Lines

Not to be confused with sarcastic lines (for example: witty dialogue). Oh no...

Sarcasm lines. Trust.

As I am now ::coughcough:: over thirty years old, I’m aging, becoming more refined.

I wish I was talking about my sense of humour (nope—that inner-fourteen year old boy is still kicking around, waiting to giggle about some sexual innuendo unintentionally dropped in his path).

No, I’m talking about wrinkles. (Gasp!)

Except I really don’t like to call them wrinkles... because, well... wrinkles are on old people (and they look delightful on everyone... just not me).

And they’re most certainly not related to wrinkles’ lovely, more graceful cousin—the smile lines.

Oh no, these bad boys are the direct result of years, a lifetime’s worth of sarcastic expressions.

Yes, folks... they’re sarcasm lines.

No, that line-covered thing at the subway station is not an art installation. It is a map. GPS hasn't always existed at our fingertips. We learned how to read our maps (skillz, yo), and believe it or not, they didn't sass back at us. (GASP!)

This is my expression when I’m faced with unabashed idiocy, when my barely-there broken filter is struggling to keep back a nasty comment, or I’m frozen with disbelief that someone has survived long enough to learn how to feed themselves...

Shut up, you make this face, too. Admit it.

It's sarcasm at work.

Unfortunately, it’s left furrows in my brow, because, well, stupidity hurts, people. Clearly I am a victim.

How can I avoid making this face? Honestly now, in this world where young people are shocked everyday that the Titanic isn't just a movie, I'm virtually screwed...

Titanic. Not just a movie. Schindler's List? Shockingly also true. And possibly more historically relevant.


  1. So that's what those are! Yup, I have 'em too. Seriously, what I deal with on a daily basis, I'm surprised they're not deeper. Ah well, battle scars and war wounds from the war on stupidity, right?

  2. Yes. The war on stupidity is NEVER over... ::sigh::