Thursday, January 23, 2014

A few lessons...

[Note: This post was originally published on The Mrs on April 28th, 2012. It's January, which means there's three months to JordanCon... shit, I need to get costuming! Yes, once again I'm procrastinating...]

Okay. So. You know when you’re excited for a trip and you’re raring to go, and you have all these tremendously high expectations...?

What happens? It’s a let down, right?

Okay, maybe not always, but there’s still a drawback... the fun has to end sometime, kids.

This weekend past I flew to Atlanta for five days to attend JordanCon (I have a recap here* and photos for public consumption here* if you’re interested).

And truly, I can recap this extra-long weekend in three words: It. Was. Awesome.

To be even more succinct, I can sum it in two words: sleepless bender.

Seriously. I don’t know what crept into my brain, but despite the litres of alcohol poured down my only-semi-tolerant throat, I found myself lying in bed blinking at the ceiling at 3am (except for Saturday night/Sunday morning, because I was still hanging in the hotel lobby until after 4am. Thank you, Jono).

Thankfully my amazing roomie had Ambien with her.

Also thankful that that ceiling wasn’t spinning — because Lord knows that was a distinct possibility.

So. Things I learned this weekend:

1. If a border guard leaves the partial sentence “so you’re...” hanging, never presume he’s asking where you’re going, just tell him you’re a geek — he’ll laugh and you’ll be waved through. Which is good because...

2. Those Kinder eggs in your checked baggage are illegal in the US. Seriously. I spent the weekend handing out the case of eggs I brought, joking they were contraband because I’d thought they simply weren’t available for purchase in the States, only to come home and shit kittens because it turns out they really are illegal.


3. It’s really creepy when your flight’s seat mate is not only the same age and astrological sign as you, but he met his wife the same year you met your husband, and you both got married the same summer. The wide-eyed question, “so when’s your anniversary?” is extremely awkward.

4. The decidedly neutral look in response to “I’m flying down for a fantasy convention” actually speaks volumes. If you ever receive this look, I’ll advise that it’s wise not to bother informing your seat mate that you’ve weapons in your checked baggage.

5. Apparently I have a “heavy” Canadian accent.

6. People laugh if you say you’re from “Canadia.” If they ask where that is, they’re probably trashed.

7. If you think you’ll find decent tea, you won’t. Always pack contingency tea bags (don’t worry, they’re legal. I just checked).

8. I’ve met some of my favouritest (sure, it’s a word) people via the Internet (to my mother’s chagrin, probably).

9. These same favourite people live far too far away — geography has been the bane of my existence in one form or another all my life, I suppose I should be used to it by now.

10. Three hours does not a good night’s sleep make. You will wake up still intoxicated.

11. When a room party is handing out free booze called “swill” it’s probably best not to partake, regardless of how charming the bartender may be.

12. Americans find Ontario Driver’s Licenses fascinating. I bet it’s the holograms.

13. Always tip Atlanta servers with loonies and toonies — they’re far enough from the border that they get a big kick out of it. They also like it if you snort and pretend you’re insulted that their snobby tip cup only takes “American paper.”

14. When possible, shoot short video recaps of your day. You will not remember the whirlwind otherwise. Also? Drunk you is probably entertaining.

15. There’s always far more free alcohol than you expect.

16. You’re far too old for weekend benders and you’ll feel every day of your years (but it’s only once a year, right?).

17. When you’re a trophy wife/stay-at-home-mom, your kidlets will scream and wail and beg you to come home via telephone, because it’s apparently terrifying when their anchoring fixture has run away from home...

18. These same kidlets will not care when you finally walk in the door. Especially if Star Wars is playing on the TV.

19. It takes a good three days (at least) to get over Con Hangover (which is less actual hangover and more a byproduct of alcohol and sleep deprivation).

20. It would appear to take far longer to get over Con Depression (the period of sadness that the fun is over for another year)... I’m still waiting.

21. Mr Lannis is an excellent single father, despite rug burns, mold in the toilet (I was gone FIVE days?!), lack-of-grocery shopping and increased fast food consumption (possibly related), and...

22. Hamster will only be fed once. In FIVE days. Despite any sticky notes left in plain sight.

23. Not noticing your hubby has gone to the trouble of rebuilding your clothesline until two days after you’re home will make you feel very, very guilty... even if he’s still tickled you noticed.

24. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Erm... and other things other adjectives. Heh.

25. Daddies spoil kids rotten when Mommy’s not around to hold the purse strings.

26. Elf ears are great souvenirs for little boys.

27. It’s never fun to walk out of the airport and smack dab into wet snow.

28. It’s never too soon to start the count down to next year — just don’t tell the Con Chair (yet).

29. And the last thing I learned...

Sometimes when you spend the winter puttering on a costume, even though your hubby thinks you’ve lost it (more than usual, that is), all your hard work is recognized...

Good thing I finally stopped procrastinating, eh?

And yes. I really came in first place. I swear I’ll shut up now. (Or I could be lying. Heh.)

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