Mr Lannis Shouldn't Be Allowed to Leave Me Alone. Ever.

When I opened the laundry room entrance to the garage in flew THE GIANT BLACK HORNET THING and I ran like a mofo to the back of the house before a part of my brain said, "MR LANNIS IS IN OTTAWA AT KARATE CAMP! YOU ARE THE PROTECTOR OF YOUR HOUSE, YOUR CHILDREN, AND YOUR FURNITURE AND JUNK!"

And I was all, "GAH! NO! I just washed the sheets, they're divine! HE CAN'T HAVE THEM!"

So I ran back in and rummaged through the coat closet, and under two sinks before I abandoned ever locating the fly swatter* and hit the laundry room for the dust wand, tore off the reusable microfiber pad, and proceeded to track down THE GIANT BLACK HORNET THING which was easy because apparently when you're a GIANT BLACK HORNET THING your buzz sounds like a motorboat of DEATH!

And there he was, bumped up on the trim of the front door, so I HIT HIM! YES! I used said dollar store duster to pummel THE GIANT BLACK HORNET THING into a jammy smear on the glass, successfully protecting my children and junk from certain doom.

Raising my dust wand in triumph, I bellowed, "YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS HOUSE! I AM A NINJA!" And the kidlets came running in from the backyard because despite their usually selective hearing apparently when your mother shouts about ninjas your radar goes berserk.

At which point they regarded the smear and were all, "That's not what a ninja does, Mom. A ninja fights crime."

Pffft. Kids.



*The fly swatter, which was discovered hanging on a nail on the way to the basement, which proves that when you really need something you'll never remembered where you put it. Or you're me.

One-Upmanship

And then Sandi at The Mrs came out of blogging seclusion* and was all, "bam! bam! bam! BAM! Look at all mah glorious posts!"

And that competitive little gremlin my brain went cross-eyed and replied, "well, BAM! Look at all mah glorious sheets!"

Yes, Sandi, I washed all the bedding in the house, hung it on my triple lines, and then took a picture. Because you may have won the blogging battle, but HOUSEWIFERY AND BLOGGING, BOOYAH!

Kind of like Jane Eyre and Jayne Cobb, better together, no?

Wait... this might be lost in translation... I possibly need more tea...



* Blogging seclusion: Otherwise known as conducting a household with three kids under six, two successful businesses, and one major kitchen/roof/who-knows-what-all-by-now renovation.

Busy Bees

Soooo... I have extra kids over the summer. Some weeks more than most.

This week has been particularly busy with six kids each day and apparently I'm aiming to lose my mind, outdo myself, misbehave, launch myself into the middle of next week before I know what hits me, earn the right to wear my long weekend drunkypants...

In the last four days we have:

- baked four loaves of quick bread (one plain zucchini, one zucchini and raisin, one zucchini and chocolate chip, one raspberry banana chocolate chip), and a dozen muffins (zucchini chocolate chip)
- gone to the park four times
- gone to the pool once (it's been hovering between 17c/62F—25c/77F all week or we'd've been there more)
- painted pet rocks
- made Rice Krispie squares
- gone to the local independent movie theatre (for the $2 per person 10am matinee of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs 2)
- eaten two and a half watermelons
- visited the local secondhand bookstore for new reads
- attempted to fly kites (Monday was windy, but apparently not windy enough.)
- cut two boys' hair
- performed science experiments à la Bill Nye [♥]
- cleaned three bathrooms (one of my kidlets was caught not flushing so the punishment was to scrub all the toilets in the house—in the interest of supervision I cleaned the remainder of said bathrooms while he scrubbed away)
- washed and hung seven eight loads of laundry on the line, folded and put them away (with kidlet help)
- gone foraging for food grocery shopping (blessedly alone)
- and (la pièce de résistance) tie dyed shirts

It's all worth it.

The days are gone before I know it, but the kids're busy and content.

And the shirts are marvelous.

Happy summer!